My Days of Blowing Up Rubber Dolls With Al Qaeda

Once upon a time, I was a recruit for Al Qaeda. We had big plans to blow up a giant rubber doll shaped like Michael Chertoff and leave it near the Washington Monument as a protest against Zionist imperialism, basic idiocy and Homeland Security. But I repeat myself.

Sadly, our terroristic plans were foiled by an informant within our midst. My dreams of toppling the government were replaced by a desire to bring Weapons of Mass Destruction to the populace. The reasoning being that if all of us has a nuke, it will put us all on equal footing with the warmongering powers. In the coming economic downturn, the Nukes-on-Credit-for-the-Masses market is an untapped resource that could well save the banking sector by putting us all into deeper debt and keeping General Electric and other transnationals in business. Perhaps the cocaine and plutonium industries could be made respectable.

Or maybe I'll just go back to blowing up rubber dolls. On January 1, 2009, I'll blow up a rubber doll in Washington, DC in honor of Al Qaeda.